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  • MyBabyBay

    • Competitive Parents

      Are we parents being too competitive? Some of us are stress up because our children are having their exams. Some wanting their children to get high marks, I mean high like 100. Below 95 is unacceptable to them. Really, I just want Tim to pass, getting above 90 is a bonus. He surprises me a few times. I don’t send him to any tuition and I helped him with revision one week before exams.

      The other day, I was talking to a mother whose child is in the same school with Tim. She was telling us with other mothers that his child scored 100 for 3 paper and 97 for the last paper. Yet, he only got number 7 and she mentioned that her son’s friends were calling him stupid. Suddenly I turned very small, hoping she doesn’t ask what my son got. Moment like this will make some mothers to be competitive so that they can brag.

      Oh, I also have a friend who takes leaves to tutor her kids one week before her exams. She wants her kids to score above 98. Anything below 95, her child will receive light punishment and scolding.

      By the way, whether the child scored 85 or 90 or 95 or 100 in primary school, it doesn’t make a different because in UPSR, it will be A. Give your child a break! For primary stage, I rather my child scores 85 and have more time for other things like sports or hobby.

      Anyway, parents try to relax a little and not to pressurize your child. Most important is let the child have fun in learning. Learning is not about scoring high marks, it is applying what they have learned. That is why I liked the western education system where they put more emphasis on practical assignments. Innovation does not come from head knowledge but how to convert knowledge into creation.

      Hooray!! Exams are over. At least for Tim and mom!

      Published on October 29, 2009 · Filed under: Parenting;

    14 Responses to “Competitive Parents”

    1. Easier said than done though.

      We parents get a lot of peer pressure too.. best way is, don’t talk to other parents. 😛

    2. sounds scary hor…
      I feel takut…like agnes said…easy to say but hard to do….

    3. i only hope my kids can pass their paper, marks is not important for me.

      but i heard some teachers will pressure the parents and kids to score higher mark so that their class ‘level & standard’ is higher.

    4. my hubby’s is trying to brainwash me to homeschool our children. no stress coz kids will study on their own pace and no other kids to compare too. hahaha.

    5. We parents tend to lean towards comparing our kids with other kids, just to see where our kids stand. I know this is bad coz the kid will feel the pressure and embarrassement. When my time comes next year, I think I’ll just tell Alycia to try her best. I won’t force her to score a certain mark and if she fares badly, I’ll see where she went wrong so that we can work on her weaknesses/mistakes and prevent them from being repeated.

    6. I like your post very much…we, parents really have to work with our child and not pressuring them…I really feel bad after reading this coz I’m one of the ‘competitive parents’/kiasu parents…and I do pressuring my 7 years old girl…what a bad mommy here…really ‘kesian’ my only darling girl!What am I going to do…like what you said ‘Give our child a break’

    7. Yenny: Thanks. The important is to teach her, not scold her. If she makes a mistake, tell her where she went wrong. With encouragement, she can excel with happiness.

    8. I don’t mind if my girl doesn’t score perfect marks in the exam. More importantly is that she understands wat’s being taught. Hopefully I’ll still stick to this theory when she enters primary sch next yr. :p

    9. Yeah! The exams were finally over. Guess I’m one of the kiasu mummies too. 😛 After reading ur post, I feel so guilty conscience. Guess I ‘pressured’ my girl too much. But this girl of mine needs to be pressured else she’ll be worse and another thing is she’s very careless. I always remind her to check after she has written the answers but always tells me she forgot … sigh …

    10. Wuah, above 95 also kena scolding ah, so kesian. I always tell my girl, your work is half done already even before you go for your tests. You are a good girl and you have worked very hard indeed. What marks you get is not important.

      If she gets anything above 90, she gets hugs, not scolding or punishment but I admit I will scold her if she makes careless mistakes. 😛

    11. Annie Tan said on

      Depends on type of mistakes. I do not scold if it was because she doesn’t understand or doesn’t know the answer. If careless mistake, I’ll be a bit “cheong hei” lar, ngigo ngigo. My girl came back with one whole section wrong because she did not read the instruction. She was asked to draw “smiley face” and “sad face”, but she put “tick” and “cross” (as previous section). Scold or not?

      I did not. Took this opportunity to advise and teach her how to go through exam paper, which I have done before but did not register in her. Losing mark this way is already a lesson to her. And also, I think age is catching up, I feel so tired to scold nowadays.

      But if she has “no feel” towards losing marks this way or be more attentive, then I’ll give her a good scolding. Tired oso will scold ar!

    12. Annie: Don’t be angry. If you read the comments here, most children makes careless mistake. Remind them.

      Sometimes, we may think it is careless mistake because it looks easy to us. However when the child is in the exam hall, the feeling is different.

      My son circled the correct answer on the test paper but in the answer sheet, he shaded the wrong one. Well, I just have to tell him to check his paper after he completes it. I believed the next revision, I will teach him how to do that.

    13. Geeee….you’re right. In another way, I feel more pressure and stress than Jona when the result is announce and when other parents ask me about Jona result. I just want Jona and Isaac to enjoy their schooling and not keep pressure themselves to score high mark…..Haha..end up, both of them never do revision or doing homework except play play play….mmmm…

    14. I agree with ZMM LOL – it’s really the best way to cure competitiveness among Mothers!!!

      During my search for a new kindy for my boy, I met many, many Mums who absolutely scared me when they started telling me how their kids were scoring 97+ now bla bla bla when they were only scoring 90+ previously.

      I was like – wah, 90+ is REALLY good already wor but they tell me oh, no it’s different nowadays. I run like the wind LOL